How Do You Want to Be with Yourself?

I was again sitting on my deck in the morning sun, enjoying that sacred first sip of coffee, preparing to thoroughly enjoy the beautiful breakfast my husband had lovingly prepared for us, when my phone rang. It was our 17-year-old son who was on his way home from a friend’s. “Mom, I’m at the gas station, out of gas, and I can’t find my bank card. Can you meet me here?” Immediately the loud, pushy, persecutor voice in my head spoke up, “What is wrong with him? Why can’t he keep track of his stuff?” The persecutor was joined by the low-energy, winy victim voice, “Of course, I can’t possibly enjoy my morning in the sun! Of course, someone needs something!”

But, thanks to last-week’s intention to get a little better at mindfulness through breathing and meditation, I was able to recognize the persecutor and victim voices as simply my ego looking for some drama, and instead I asked myself, “How do I want to be with myself as I go through this experience with my son?” Wow! I had a choice. I chose to continue to enjoy the moment of my sacred first sip and breakfast date with my husband and then to be of loving service to my son. Wow! With my choice came empowerment.

I spotted my son and pulled into the other side of the pump, since I needed gas too. As I got out of my vehicle and greeted my son, we were startled by an aggressive driver who pulled in behind me, arms in the air, yelling “What’s wrong with you? Pull forward!” Thanks to my mindfulness practice, I began to calmly explain that I was paying for both myself and my son, when my son (who apparently had not been practicing mindfulness) interrupted, “Just go around %$$&@&#!”

My attention was now directed at my son and the persecutor in my head wanted to yell, “What’s wrong with you?” But, thank goodness, the mindful part of me once again asked “How do you want to be with yourself as you go through this experience?” I chose “calm” and “conscious” and therefore began to calmly share with my son about how we can consciously choose how we are going to be regardless of how others are. Just because others may be acting like @$$holes doesn’t mean we have to reflect that back to them. We get to choose.

I was asking my son to please choose integrity and kindness, when we were once again interrupted by the aggressive driver, except now, he was not so aggressive, but rather kind and apologetic. He stated in his east-coast accent, “I’m so sorry. I overacted. I didn’t realize the two of you were together and I guess I was just in a rush. I didn’t have to be so rude and I’m sorry.” As I thanked him for going out of his way to share with us, he walked away, and my attention turned once more to my son, who with a smile on his face stated, “So maybe he’s not an @$$hole.”

What if people are really good at their core? What if we all are doing our absolute best given the tools, experiences and examples we’ve had in our lives (even the aggressive drivers)? What if we all have the empowering choice to decide how we are going to be with ourselves as we go through whatever we go through in life? It is my intention to continuously remind myself of this conscious choice as I continue my mindfulness practice. I invite you to join me.

With love, Tracy