I Choose Hope

My friend, Annmarie, began to share her experience of virtual schooling due to the Corona Virus as I sat listening, unconsciously preparing myself to hear the familiar victim story about how stressful it is, how chaotic it is and how something has got to give, how everything will be so much better once kids can get back to school and we can all finally get back to life as usual. I was expecting this victim story because it is the story that had presented itself all too often on my Facebook feed and had also been playing on repeat in my very own head.

As I sat listening, no victim story appeared. Instead, Annmarie’s face lit up and her speech quickened with excitement and hope as she spoke about possibility and intentionality. I felt my own pulse quicken and my face light up in mere response to such empowerment.

My friend, Annmarie, is an extremely accomplished woman with an important job that she is exceedingly good at and seems to enjoy deeply. Those of us listening would have willingly sympathized and comforted her had she grievously shared how she was forced to switch to part time to balance the stressful and chaotic virtual schooling demands. But there was no grievance in what my friend shared, no victim, no appeal for comfort, just pure, unshakable acceptance & intention.

Annmarie’s profound acceptance of “how things are” allowed her to instinctually choose how she was going to be with herself as she experienced the reality of virtual schooling and she had clearly chosen open, creative and extraordinarily intentional. As I witnessed myself reveling in my friend’s acceptance and intention, and enlivened by her excitement about the experience she was getting to share with her kids, it became blatantly clear that rather than acceptance, I had unintentionally chosen resistance. I had fallen victim once again to the dreaded drama triangle. I had set up camp in victimhood and had been taking daily, sometimes hourly, hikes to the "Land of Persecution".

As this blatant realization appeared, something beautiful happened. Rather than shame induced by comparing my resistance to my friend’s acceptance, or guilt over how my resistance had created suffering instead of joy, I experienced hope. The definition of hope is "to cherish a desire with anticipation", and this is exactly what Annmarie’s powerful example allowed me to do. In that magnificent moment, I allowed myself to cherish the desire to embrace virtual schooling and all its possibilities with anticipation, with hope.

What was now blatantly clear was that I had a choice, as I always do, and I also have the glorious opportunity in each and every moment to choose differently if my conscious or unconscious, intentional or unintentional choices aren’t producing the energy-rich and joy-filled experiences I desire. I don’t have to continue to suffer. I don’t have to shame myself. I don’t have to experience guilt. I can simply choose differently.

It is my intention to choose differently when it comes to the opportunity that is virtual schooling with my kids. I intend to implement the hope Annmarie instilled in me and be led by her empowerment, as I also choose to be open, creative and intentional. This hope, this choice, fills me with joy and energy and I am reminded of Heidi’s powerful words in the previous post here on our Inspire Blog, “It’s up to me and only me to design this one and only life I get to live”. Marianne Williamson’s wise words also come to mind, “And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.” I am overflowing with gratitude for Annmarie and all the others who let their light shine so brightly, giving me permission to do the same.

Is there an area in your life where you can choose differently to create more joy and more energy? I would love to hear from you, to be inspired by you, and to remind you, as Annmarie reminded me, that there is no need for shame and guilt. Rather, we can simply choose differently.

With love, Tracy