Pressing Reset

Does your body let you know when it needs a reset? Mine sure does. Sign number one: a dull ache in my lower back. Sign number two: tension in my forehead. Sign number three: a busy mind that makes it difficult for me to focus on tasks at hand, that lowers my patience level significantly, and that occasionally makes it challenging for me to fall and stay asleep.

Now one would think that after more than 40 years of living in this body and experiencing these signs, I would easily recognize them when they appear and respond immediately with the actions that I know reset my system. Action one: move my body. Action two: get quiet. Action three: spend time in nature. I keep checking my shoulder blades for angel wings, but they haven’t appeared, so I guess I’m still human, which means I am still learning.

Early last week, sign number one showed up but rather than moving my body, I habitually used the dull ache in my lower back as an opportunity for my inner critic to persecute and “should” on myself, “You know you should be doing yoga more regularly. You have absolutely no self-discipline and you never follow through on your intentions. You know the road to hell is paved with good intentions!”

By the middle of the week, sign number two appeared but rather than getting quiet, I unconsciously used the tension in my forehead as an opportunity for my inner critic to switch from persecution to victimization, “Poor, poor you. You have so many irons in the fire that you are being burned left and right. You can’t possibly experience joy and energy as you continue with this impossible balancing act. Why does everyone expect so much from you? You are so alone and unappreciated.”

By the end of the week, with the dull pain in my lower back becoming not so dull and the tension in my forehead increasing, sign number three turned up and I couldn’t keep straight all my to-do’s, I was yelling at my kids more than I care to admit and although I was exhausted, I found myself in and out of bed for hours with crazy concerns like “had I put the soup in the fridge?”. This all lead my inner critic to shift once again from persecution and victimization, to numbing, “Maybe some time in bed with a new Netflix series will help you find some breathing space…or perhaps a glass of wine. Don’t you need to spend hours on Facebook mindlessly scrolling? If you don’t pay attention, maybe it will all just go away.”

And then some magic happened. A very wise part of myself invited to me pay attention, “Do you notice the pain in your lower back? How about the tension in your forehead?” It also kindly asked my busy mind to take a break and it miraculously listened. In that moment, there was no persecution, no victimization, no desire to flee or craving to dull, there was just presence and the loving voice from my inner coach that simply assured me that I knew how to care for myself, that I could reset, right then, right there. So, I did. I went for a walk. I got quiet. And by Monday, I found myself surrounded by the majestic nature that is Denali National Park. And I reset.

So, as I write this post on Tuesday evening, I notice the return of the dull ache in my lower back and the tension in my forehead that I have unintentionally attempted to push through all day. I’m aware of the guilt that is present for how I have negatively interacted with my kids today. And my inner critic wants desperately to jump in, to persecute, to victimize. And yet my beautiful inner coach is very present, reminding me that this time it only took a day rather than a week. Progress.

Until my angel wings sprout, it is my intention to keep noticing the signs with increased grace and ease and to more immediately take action - moving my body, getting quiet and spending time in nature. I would love to hear about how your body lets you know when its time for a reset and what actions allow you to do so.

With love, Tracy